Daniel Ridgway Knight, American
“Yes, I Actually COULD Use An Assistant. How Are You At Laundering Money?,” ca. 1890
Oil on canvas
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here (archived if necessary), here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated French Wikipedia page may have more).
/// While they’re out Picking Flowers in May,
Mattie shows her young sister the way
to create a bouquet
for the wedding today:
Her “best friend” to her ex-fiancé.
/// To show all that she bears no ill feeling,
the bright blooms which she picks are appealing,
and arranged with great care
so the bride’s not aware
of the fresh poison oak they’re concealing.
/// She, at first, had been tempted to thrash
that conniving two-faced piece of trash
who had stolen her man,
but a much better plan
is to give the new bride something rash.
/// All the bridesmaids would have to be warned
to steer clear of the blooms that adorned
the perfidious bride,
and to stand to the side
so the bouquet, when tossed, would be scorned.
/// Bride and groom got hitched— (there was no hitch).
After church, Mattie pulled off a switch.
Poison petals she strewed
on their bed, where, both nude,
they each suffered a full-body itch.
/// “There are hazards to gathering these,
like the pollen which may make you sneeze.
Some have thorns, which can prick.
Some will make you feel sick.
Fragrant blossoms attract stinging bees.
/// Some weird plants eat live food they have caught.
Others grow much too large for a pot.
This young girl’s acted odd
since she slept near that pod.
Now she stands rooted right to this spot.
/// There are flowers you give as a token
of a love too profound to be spoken.
But some plants get called “weeds”
and fill different needs.
They’re the weed grown for rollin’ and smokin’.