Gustav Bernhard Österman, Swedish
You Always Know You’ve REALLY Pissed Eugene Off When Smoke Comes Out of His Nose, 1893
Oil on canvas
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Info, or perhaps links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here (Google translated, if necessary), and here (Google translated, if necessary), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated Swedish Wikipedia page has more).
/// Give it up for the practical Swedes,
who know just what a lawmaker needs.
Gunnar Wennerberg’s “flash,”
(check his walrus mustache),
doesn’t hint he’s a poet who reads.
/// Shown in old age he looks angry here.
One might think he was hard and severe.
But the man was admired
and his counsel desired
all throughout his long varied career.
/// His first fame came as well-known musician.
Then a poet and wise politician.
A tall good-looking man
who, for parliament ran,
he’s still known for charm and erudition.
/// Every man of his time in that place
allowed hair to grow long on their face.
With this style, Gunnar’s lax.
Had he used mustache wax,
he’d look dapper, and not a disgrace.
/// No doubt after Gunnar had grown old,
he thought this facial hair appeared bold.
And yet all I can see
is how bad it would be
having that with a raging head cold.
/// Men with mustaches must come to terms
with this fact: They’re a haven for germs.
They get caught in the breeze
of each microbe-moist sneeze,
but can be disinfected by perms.
/// There’s no doubt, facial hair’s a collector
of thick mucus, a proven infector.
In Victorian days
there were patented ways
to stay dry: Wear a mustache protector!
/// Every bedtime the fight would begin.
He’d snore loudly; his wife hates the din.
Now she sleeps through the night.
Keeps his jaw fastened tight
with his mustache tied under his chin.