Bartholomeus van der Helst, Dutch
“I’m Sorry, I’m a Little Deaf in My Left Ear. Could You Please Repeat What You Just Said About My Mustache, Tough Guy?,” 1668
Oil on canvas
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Info about this artist is pointed to by my comment at another blog entry.
/// The Vice Admiral, Aert van Nes,
grimly points to his head to confess
he had sailed far from home
without spare brush or comb
and his hair is a thick tangled mess.
/// Some called Aert a self-centered prig.
He would not, onboard ship, wear a wig.
When the blond cabin boy
in van Nes’s employ
broke his comb he was sent to the brig.
/// While imprisoned the boy, all alone,
whiled the time with some scrimshaw to hone.
Now released, he is tense
as he shyly presents
a new comb carved from solid whale bone.
/// Strong winds, sun, and the damp, salty air,
and a lack of shampoo made his hair
greasy— knotted in clumps.
Feeling down in the dumps,
he vowed shaving it off, then and there.
/// The dread thought of his head being bald
is the sole reason why van Nes stalled.
Then, the boy from beneath
showed the carved whalebone teeth.
Aert smiled as the youngster recalled.
/// “To set course going back is my goal.
The whole crew wants me taking control.
You ask how do I know
that what I say is so?
Take a look here— I just took a pole.”