Franz von Defregger, Austrian
The First-Ever WWE Match: “Stone Hold” Steve Austin Vs. The Rock, 1898
Oil on canvas
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MASTERPIECE #3350
Info about this artist is pointed to by my comment at another blog entry.
/// All the men gathered round to discuss
The great Test of Strength dreamed up by Gus.
Dared to “prove you’re a jock,”
fools must lift a huge rock.
When they failed, Gustav sold them a truss.
/// This contestant, a muscular chap,
moved the stone, then he felt something snap.
Dislocated his shoulder
as he hefted the boulder.
Turns out he was a jock… with a strap.
/// This result was, to Gus, no surprise.
His “strength test” outweighed most rocks its size.
Some got hernias, or
maybe muscles they tore.
Gus sold all sorts of first-aid supplies.
/// But in time his strength-scam became known.
No more sales; Gus’s cover was blown.
In his quest to get rich
Gus changed towns and his pitch.
He embedded a sword in the stone.
/// A tall tale went with this newest “sting.”
He who pulled out the sword became King.
As a cover, his store
sold first-aid as before:
truss or splint or a back brace or sling.
/// Now, men paid, as a matter of pride,
silver coins for each time that they tried
to remove that stuck sword.
Gustav’s fame and wealth soared.
Was it welded in? “No,” Gustav lied.
/// Note to lift with your legs, not your back,
to avoid grievous spinal attack.
Be like moving men. They
can hoist more than they weigh
without feeling something inside crack.
/// That dumb jerk doesn’t lift with his legs;
his dumb jerks break all weight-lifting regs.
His strained lower back,
(sacroiliac),
makes the sound of two dozen dropped eggs.