Alfred Diston, British
Suddenly, the Idyllic Silence of the Countryside Was Shattered By the Vendor’s Strident Call: “Asparagus Spears! Get Yer Red-Hot Asparagus Spears Heah!,” 1828
Watercolor and graphite on moderately thick, slightly textured, cream wove paper
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Info, or perhaps links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here (Chrome and Firefox browsers can translate Spanish, if necessary), here (currently has wrong lifespan info at the start, Google translated, if necessary), and here (Google translated, if necessary), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated Spanish Wikipedia page may have more).
/// To his jenny, the Firewood Seller,
tied the fagots he’d cut. He’ll impel her
to convey heavy loads
down the Tenerife roads
to each needy Canarian dweller.
/// The wood, tied into uniform stacks,
had been hewn by Jonay with his axe.
Not much coin can be earned
hawking fuel to be burned
to poor folks living in wooden shacks.
/// All the buyers of fuel Jonay sees
are infirm or attacked by disease.
Strong young people won’t pay
for his firewood today
‘cause it literally grows on trees.
/// Vain attempts to sell fuel caused disputes,
so he sought out more fruitful pursuits.
Hollowed out with an awl,
plus some holes lets him call
(and sell) old firewood as new flutes.
/// The new flutes that his burro had borne
hit sour notes and were treated with scorn.
Jonay’s feeling forlorn,
so he watches some porn.
(Hopes to learn how to blow his own horn.)
/// Los vampiros now stalked Tenerife,
bringing nightmares beyond all belief.
Bentor heard that it takes
one or more sharpened stakes
to dispatch them, providing relief.
/// He followed some bats late one night
as they flew to a cave before light.
Bentor slipped in some guano
and screamed like a soprano
when pale forms bared his neck for a bite.
/// Thinking quickly, he brandished a stake.
Los vampiros now started to shake.
“You’re l-l-laughing?” he stammers.
They hissed, “Stakes, but no hammers!”
The priest cut off his head at his wake.