Albert Edelfelt, Finnish
“Okay Stu, I Know You’ve Been Standing There For Hours. If You’d Like To Break For Lunch, Raise Your Right Buttock,” 1874
Oil on canvas
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Artist info is pointed to in my comment at another blog entry.
/// His uneven glutes cause him neurosis.
Saw a doctor for her diagnosis.
He had come to inquire,
“Why is one butt cheek higher?”
She explained that he had scoliosis.
/// When he poses nude, one can observe
that his spine has a marked S-shaped curve.
Unlike those to whom fate
gave a backbone that’s straight,
he gets pain from a pinched spinal nerve.
/// He once thought posing naked was fun.
Now embarrassed by that drooping bun,
he avoids freakish “fame”
by withholding his name.
Only known to us as “Male Nude 1.”
/// Lack of symmetry’s not in dispute,
and yet women still thought he was cute.
Tall, slim, not too hirsute,
(and well-muscled to boot),
they admired him in his birthday suit.
/// Perhaps empathy came from the fact
that these girls (whether A-cup or stacked)
know that having a pair
that’s mismatched isn’t rare.
They convinced him— “Don’t overreact!”
/// So, since ladies are willing to tangle,
(even though his left buttock may dangle),
confidently he’ll strut
while displaying his butt
at a jauntily cool rakish angle.