William Sydney Mount, American
“I’m Seeing That You’ll Soon Be Pre-Approved For a Capital One Credit Card. Sorry, I’ve Been Getting a Lot More Spam Recently,” 1838
Oil on canvas
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here (archived if necessary), here, here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page.
/// Though her readings of tea leaves are stellar,
before marriage she just couldn’t sell her
true predictions. And this is
because now she’s a Mrs.
(No one pays for a Miss Fortune Teller.)
/// Mrs. Longbotham studies the dregs
in the cup, as she follows the regs
of the Gypsies who train her:
“Clients pay a retainer.
And give no money back, though she begs.”
/// To “read” tea leaves she uses her brains,
finding fortunes when tea cups she drains.
When she needs to, she feigns
seeing signs in tea stains,
and reads runes in her varicose veins.
/// The real client stands, wearing a ring.
Wants her daughter’s fate told— (Wed a King!)
But her child is a sceptic
who is growing dyspeptic.
Tasseography isn’t her thing.
/// “Madame, please… I pray that you desist.
With His Majesty, I shall not tryst.
I’ve been told by the stars:
in my Libra is Mars—
Superstition, I’m bound to resist!”
/// “Yes, I see it right here in the leaves.
You’re a woman who truly believes
Fortune Tellers are thieves.
Each for money deceives,
despite all of the truth she perceives.”
/// The girl’s mother (the actual client),
shouts at Madame for being defiant.
Mom had paid in advance
for a royal romance
and expected the seer’d be compliant.