Hendrik van de Sande Bakhuyzen, Dutch
Legendary Cow Painter Claude Moo-net Glaring at His Rival, Henri Ma-Teats, With Whom He Had Beef, 1850
Oil on panel
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Info, or perhaps links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here (if truncated, can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page.
/// Hendrik needed a cow that could freeze,
hunkered down on her elbows and knees.
Did it pose on demand?
No, the beast couldn’t stand.
She’s infected with mad cow disease.
/// She’d been fed with a cruel cuisine
which transmitted a prion unseen.
They’d mixed in powdered food
made from kinfolk who mooed.
They should call it Bovine Soylent Green.
/// Some sheep wandered in, blocking his view.
Wouldn’t leave, though he shouted out “Shoo!”
He knew shepherds (neurotic)
who would find ewes erotic,
so decided to paint them in, too.
/// (There are places where men hold the views
that, when girls of their species refuse
to go with them to bed,
then it’s OK instead
to go outdoors and use local ewes.)
/// Then a horse came from under a tree.
Soon these livestock were all he could see.
He’s no longer sure whether
it can all tie together.
That’s when Hendrik thought, “I’ll just add me!”