Gilbert Stuart, American
John Fitzgibbon, the 1st Earl of Clare, Considering Giving Up His Title and Going Back to His Hair Band, 1789
Oil on canvas
Follow That Is Priceless on Social Media and GoComics (the Link button):
Click to Follow This Blog or Share This Masterpiece:
Info, or links that point to more info (especially the last here link), about this artist can be found here, here, here (archived if necessary, archive of URL there), here, here (if truncated, can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here, here, here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page.
/// All grown-up, Jack, of beanstalk renown,
posed with loot that he stole— like that crown.
Now, the dead Giant’s son,
(who weighs more than a ton),
wearing massive red gloves, gives “thumbs down.”
/// “Junior” Giant took long years to track
down the thief, and he now confronts Jack.
Not especially sad
‘bout the death of his Dad,
what he wants is his gold and jewels back.
/// Face-to-shin with the son, Jack is queasy.
He’s exposed as a thief, sly and sleazy.
“Calm your anger,” Jack said.
“Not my fault your Pa’s dead,
but I buried him… that wasn’t easy!”
/// “Just return what you took, and I vow
that, to let you live, I will allow.”
Hearing what Junior spoke,
Jack thought, “Once again broke.
Never should have swapped beans for that cow!”
/// Growing bald in your teens isn’t fair.
He’d do anything just to have hair.
Pledged in Hades he’d dwell
for a strong witch’s spell
that would stimulate follicles there.
/// When he tried “Eye of Newt, Toe of Frog,”
the mix caused his bald pate pores to clog.
He fell into a funk
and got blind, stinkin’ drunk.
The next day he had “Hair of the Dog.”
/// This man came from a kitchen maid mother,
but ’twas gossiped his father was other
than a human. Some said
it was canine instead,
and a cute puppy dog’s his half-brother.
/// Human-dog hybrid? What a sensation!!
IF the dog truly had caused gestation.
There’s no way canine sperm
brings a baby to term.
Must be coincidental mutation!
/// That cute kitchen maid’s easy to please;
she likes doggie-style, (on hands and knees).
To the kennel she’d jog
to lie down with that dog.
She got up, not with child, but with fleas.