Jules Worms, French
“I Thought I’d Dress Up For My First Day As a Walmart Greeter. Too Much?,” ca. 1876
Oil on panel
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MASTERPIECE #3136
Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated French Wikipedia page may have more).
/// “I’m departing now for the Review,
but you’ll have to wait here ‘til I’m through.
This is just entre nous,
mon jolie petit chou;
you camp followers, ought to march, too.”
/// Men in uniform made Colette weak.
It was high-ranking soldiers she’d seek.
They would never suspect
as they stood there erect
that she valued pomp more than physique.
/// Soldiers stood o’er Colette at attention.
They would learn she despised all convention.
Men in mufti she’d mock,
be they genius or jock.
Rich civilians just earned condescension.
/// By regalia of war she’s impressed,
and by medals in rows on his chest.
She will not suffer fools;
they must follow her rules.
Colette only gets nude when they’re dressed.
/// Colette’s lover, the Colonel, would gloat:
“Over men in the Army you dote.”
She, (though he never knew),
admired Admirals, too.
Navy men also floated her boat.
/// It appears that she peers at his chest.
By his medals she may be impressed.
A tall man can afford
to wear such a long sword,
knowing what such a blade might suggest.
/// Colette asked him if later perchance he,
post-Review, would be feeling ”romancy.”
“Though my clothes will be gone,
keep your uniform on,
and that helmet— it tickles my fancy!”
/// His dress uniform is self-defeating.
It will serve when the foe he is beating,
but it fails in a trench,
Still, (designed by the French),
it looks great from behind, while retreating.
(My apologies to France and the French
for repeating this defamatory cliché.
The joke was too tempting!)