Artist Unknown (Copy of Painting by Paul Fischer, Danish)
“Well, I Guess Now We Know Why Those Swimsuits Were Half-Price. Next Time Let’s Make Sure To Check the Tags For the Words ‘Water-Soluble,'” Date Unknown
Oil on canvas
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Info, and perhaps links that point to more info, about the referenced artist can be found here (archived if necessary), here, and here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated Danish Wikipedia page may have more). This painting is actually a copy done by a follower of his.
/// Three fair nymphs in the “suits of their birth,”
none are wrinkled or have a large girth.
There are no fat old guys
from whom to avert eyes.
It’s like no real nude beach on this Earth.
/// When on Spring Break each school-maid here switches
from the usual rules, so she ditches
her old school uniform,
(much too shapeless and warm).
Plus, it’s made out of wool and it itches.
/// Each young woman’s been carefully posed
so that no one is “overexposed.”
Had the scene been more graphic
there would be more male traffic,
but the models were strongly opposed.
/// One girl, sitting on sand, never shied
from the waves of the incoming tide.
Her clean towel’s been set
where it will not get wet,
and available to get her dried.
/// They love sun on their skin. They’ll take home a
mem’ry of the salt air’s fresh aroma.
Years from now, if skin’s flecked,
they each ought to get checked
to be certain it’s not melanoma.
/// The three nudists were all in accord:
High-up blimps can be safely ignored.
The girls weren’t aware
of the cameras there
and the lenses (long-range) brought onboard.
> or <
/// Do invisible swimsuits exist?
“Yes,” the Emperor’s salesmen insist.
“You can get fully tanned
while protected from sand.
They’re ideal for a bold hedonist.”
> or <
/// No, I wouldn’t advise you to try it,
for, at best, no response— only quiet.
At the worst, they’ll yell “Stop!”
and then call for a cop,
so don’t ask if they’ll let you apply it.
> or <
/// These Three Graces, if not left alone,
quickly turned all observers to stone.
First Grace One knocked their socks off,
Then Grace Two got their rocks off.
Grace Three might soften those who atone.