Thomas Sully, American
“I Cannot Tell a Lie. I’ve Had To Pee For the Past Hour,” ca. 1820
Oil on canvas
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MASTERPIECE #3112
Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here (archived if necessary), here, here, here, here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page.
/// Lansdowne Portrait was by Gilbert Stuart.
It’s George Washington, life-size (and true art).
Sully painted a copy.
Less detail; kinda sloppy.
Right hand dropped to pretend that it’s new art.
/// The original, in great demand,
copied three times by Gilbert’s own hand.
Replication is tough;
Stuart’s weren’t enough.
Other artists made dupes— big, but bland.
/// Stuart’s art was the famed inspiration
for this simplified interpretation.
Like a Xerox creation
of the tenth generation
Sully’s version displays degradation.
/// Metal plaques will quite often appear
reading: “Washington (this date) Slept Here.”
Of His Country he’s the Father.
Does that mean George didn’t bother
to avoid all those Moms he slept near?
/// George was offered a crown, we have heard,
but he forcefully always demurred.
He would say, “I’ve no thirst
to become George the First,
after freeing us from George the Third.”
/// By today it is well understood
George’s dentures were not made of wood.
Teeth from ivory made,
plus, enslaved men were paid
to sell their teeth. Did George’s hurt? Good!
/// And that cherry tree story, it seems,
had been conjured up by Parson Weems
out of fanciful dreams
and some myth-making schemes.
If he lived today, Weems would post memes.
/// If you can’t reach the privy before
your full bladder can’t hold any more,
you may well let go
and urine will flow.
(That’s what dark-colored trousers are for.)