Christian Schussele, American
“I Don’t Know What’s Wrong With This Thing. The Only Message I’m Getting Is That Hot MILFS Are in My Area,” 1859
Oil on canvas
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Info, or links that point to perhaps more info, about this artist can be found here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here (archived if necessary), and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (which currently, may be incomplete regarding this painting).
/// Men of Progress, (this tableau), contains
nineteenth century’s most adroit brains.
Under Ben Franklin’s gaze
they discuss different ways
their proposed robot “girl” entertains.
/// The inventors, thus far, drew a blank
in designing a “date” who won’t clank,
or a gasket that blocks
stray electrical shocks.
(At this rate, they won’t get on Shark Tank.)
/// Engineers later built in their shop
a girl robot to serve them nonstop.
Twasn’t food she devoured;
she was Duracell powered.
(In her red wig, she’s called “Coppertop.”)
/// Some design flaws have caused, it appears,
men who’ve tested the thing to have fears.
Though the doll’s soft and warm
with a nice-looking form,
some complained they got caught in the gears.
/// You don’t need a huge tinkerer’s brain
or a college degree to explain
why men risked limb and life
for a robotic “wife.”
This is true: With no pain comes no gain.