Friedrich Ritter von Friedländer-Malheim, Bohemian-Austrian
“Oh, This Is New. Before I Can See the Painting I Have To Prove I’m Not a Robot By Tapping All the Pictures With Traffic Lights,” 1889
Oil on panel
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here (archived if necessary), here (Google translated ), here (if truncated, can be read in full for free on Fridays), here (Google translated), and here (Google translated), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated German Wikipedia page may have more).
/// To the painter, the soldier said, “Sold!
Your new nude is a sight to behold.
And I love the fact that
to the touch, it’s not flat.
Feel this bump… you can tell she was cold.”
/// But the soldier was not quite contented.
She looks real, but I’d like that augmented.
Could you not represent
somehow, this young girl’s scent?”
And that’s how “Scratch and Sniff” was invented.
/// Ah, but what of the model who posed
for this portrait completely exposed?
Did the painting’s new owner
make demands he be shown her?
No— when offered the chance he opposed.
/// For, the portrait portrayed an ideal.
He had problems with girls who are real.
“Oils have virtues girls lack.
Girls grow old, they talk back;
while an oil has immortal appeal.”