Thomas Buchanan Read, American
Well, So Much For Hal and Helen’s Date Night. Guess the New Sex Toys Will Have To Wait, 1847
Oil on canvas
Follow That Is Priceless on Social Media and GoComics (the Link button):
Click to Follow This Blog or Share This Masterpiece:
Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated German Wikipedia page currently has more).
/// Sultan sleeps on a large leopard pelt.
Hugs his concubine, silk-clad and svelte.
To the girl’s knees he clings,
but what are those strange things
that are tucked in his wide leather belt?
/// Several swords with their hilts oddly shaped?
And their blades hidden where the cloth’s draped?
And why worn while asleep?
One false move, he’s cut deep,
or, if lucky, just nicked, prîcked or scraped.
/// No, these aren’t sharp blades for a fight.
I suspect that Steve Melcher is right.
These things Sultan employs
as erotic sex toys
to provide his young bedmate delight.
/// Or two pistols? They must be for dueling.
But his concubine hasn’t had schooling
in firing a gun.
She’s there for his fun,
but the Sultan is snoring and drooling.
/// Though its cushion is placed where it’s shady,
her dog’s sad. Sultan had been afraid he
might whimper or bite
in the middle of night.
They both crave the soft warmth of the lady.
/// Her long-winded tales would result in
Scheherazade daily exultin’
that the Sultan was fooled.
She’s alive and bejeweled.
Makes her livin’ by doin’ “Con Sultan.”
/// Her death warrant he couldn’t write out,
nor to order it done with a shout.
Sultan wouldn’t announce it
for he couldn’t pronounce it.
‘Twasn’t tales, but her name foiled the lout.
/// Abram’s handmaiden (really his slave),
must provide any pleasures he’d crave.
But the old man now snoozes
and young Hagar refuses
to rouse Abram, (he might misbehave).
/// Later on Hagar bears Abram’s son.
Called him Ishmael, but Abe’s not done.
He gets Sarai with child
when she’s ninety; that’s wild!
Now it’s Isaac who’ll be number one.