Pieter Pietersz, Flemish
“Dude. First You Cram Yourself and That Easel Into This Crowded Elevator. And Now You RIP ONE?!,” 1599
Oil on panel
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated Dutch Wikipedia page may have more).
/// These Six Wardens of the Drapers Guild,
are all serious, solemn and skilled.
In a blatant attack
one gets knifed in the back.
Flashing gang signs can get a man killed.
/// Other paintings show men closely packed,
and in garb much like these men, in fact.
They might sell Dutch cigars,
or view autopsy scars,
but they don’t show a guy getting whacked.
/// The black robes and black hats these men wear,
and identically styled facial hair,
(each man sports a vandyke),
make the six seem alike,
but each ruff has its own unique flair.
/// Though I’ve looked hard, I don’t understand
which man’s face goes with each painted hand.
The last man on the right
holds a shiv in plain sight,
but some others? It seems poorly planned.
/// In the Draper’s Guild (founded by Don)
men hire women whom they prey upon.
These six slick Flemish admen
drink and frolic like Mad Men.
One considers himself a Don Juan.
/// No, his name’s not Don Juan, he’s called Anders.
And his pals are five dextrous glad-handers.
Oxy? No. Yes, moronic.
Anders finds it ironic
that he’s rolling in “D’oh.” (Stupid Flanders!)