John Maler Collier, English
As His New Wife’s Bridesmaids Got Increasingly Bolder With Their Advances, John Began To Regret Serving Oysters at the Reception, ca. 1899
Oil on canvas
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here, here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here, here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page.
// With four beauties behaving so “loose,”
he seems hesitant. What’s his excuse?
They say, “Drink from my cup!”
(Each hopes she’ll get knocked up.)
Shouldn’t lesbians, too, reproduce?
/// He was chosen for good looks and smarts,
and was skillful in science and arts.
They used devious means
to acquire his genes,
but despised all his other male parts.
/// Poor Rinaldo’s not sure what to do.
He was always the one to pursue.
Their cold scheme just seemed wrong,
but he followed his dong,
and though “screwed with,” decided to screw.
/// First Rinaldo removed all his clothes.
(He was here to make love, not to pose.)
Sex while in a tuxedo
can inhibit libido,
and the cleaning and pressing cost blows.
/// To enhance his success in the sack,
he had altered his plan of attack.
Not do one at a time,
but a quintet, (no crime!)
Shared the pleasure and spared his bad back.
/// The result of this odd Garden Party
where four gay women tried acting “tarty,”
was, though males they reviled,
this man got each with child,
and they all grew up loved, hale and hearty.
/// He’s unmarried; his status is termed
as a “bachelor,” (very confirmed).
But he seems such a prize
that it clouded their eyes
to the way, when they flirted, he squirmed.
> or <
/// Four flirtatiously flitter and flounce
while John’s nervous rigidity mounts.
He was filled with the dread
that, because he’s well-bred,
they would not find him stiff where it counts.
/// Took a blue pill as soon as they met,
but he’s felt no effects of it yet.
In an effort to stall
(‘til he gets hard, and all),
as a turnabout, plays hard to get.
> or <
/// He’s the latest of male robot “toys”
with a form culled from ten well-built boys.
His hot high-tech design
makes his purchasers whine,
for he mixes great power with poise.
/// It was more than his sensual kiss, and
the way that his android abs glistened.
His vibration “down there,”
though fun, still can’t compare
to the way that he silently listens.