Giovanni Cariani, Italian
Dwayne “The Rock” Di Giovanni, 5-Time European Rock-Paper-Scissors Champion, ca. 1510-1515
Oil on canvas
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to his Wikipedia page (Google translated Italian Wikipedia page has more).
/// “I’m a masculine brute, that’s for sure.
With my manliness I am secure.
Those who’d ape my look seek,
not my muscled physique,
but my lustrous full-bodied coiffure.”
/// “See this stone which I clutch in my fist?
It is pumice I use to assist
when I exfoliate.
On my feet it is great,
and my smooth skin, no girls can resist.”
/// “And we cannot forget about scents.
I find florals are wrong for us gents.
Mix a leathery smell
with tobacco, as well.
It won’t cover up sweat; it augments.”
Famed Italian Wizard, Maurizio Giaconda, shown here destroying the “Predictions of Nostradamus” horcrux with a Basilisk tooth.