Henry Richard Graves, English
“Great Moments In Phallic Portraiture: Outdoorsman Edition,” 1871
Oil on canvas
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MASTERPIECE #2918
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/// The High Steward decided to pose
among dogs in his spiffiest clothes.
So he keeps careful watch.
Should a hound sniff his crotch,
he’ll apply his crop to the beast’s nose.
/// “No one likes how I look,” he kept kvetching.
But, the truth is, the truth he was stretching.
When he happened to drop,
then retrieved his lost crop,
his whole pack of dogs thought he was fetching.
/// To find fleas on his hounds he would scan ‘em.
Paid a fortune for flea dip per annum.
But he’s still pretty dumb
about where dogs come from.
Hence his motto: “E pulicibus canum.”