Workshop of Guercino, Italian
Portrait of the Famed Renaissance Artist Cléavaggio, ca. 1630-66
Oil on canvas
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MASTERPIECE #2836
Info, or links that point to more info, about the teaching artist can be found here, here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here, here, here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what's in his Wikipedia page (Google translated Italian Wikipedia page has more).
/// He: “Is this what they call a still life?”
“It’s my self-portrait,” answered his wife.
“A still life might be fruit.”
“Then my guess was astute;
I see melons!” Thus started their strife.
/// By comparing her bosom to fruit
he began their domestic dispute.
Whether melon or plumb
it is best to keep mum
for you’ll find it a fruitless pursuit.
/// There’s good reason she finds fruit heretical
when compared to cup size (alphabetical).
Bra cups A, B, C, D,
beat out fruit cups, you see,
since fruit sizes are all hypothetical.
/// She is elegant, noble and proud.
Though a woman, her head is unbowed.
Most great painters were male
but she knows she won’t fail.
With artistic skills, she’s well-endowed.
/// A great colorist, stately and pale,
she painstakingly adds each detail.
“Allegory of Painting.”
Very close now to fainting;
she is laced up too tight to inhale.
/// When they’re working, most artists are dressed
in smocks, far from their elegant best.
On the canvas is where
all her oils go with care.
Few, with brushes, are neat as Celeste.
/// But, by chance, should some paint taint her vest,
she would not be upset or depressed.
Spots of rich Prussian Blue
would be noticed by few.
(Not unless they should spatter her breast.)