Archibald Archer, British
“Considering We ‘Borrowed’ Them From the Parthenon, Of Course We COULD Just Give Them Back. But I’d Love To See What We Can Get For Them on Craigslist First,” 1819
Oil on canvas
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Little is known about this artist (he currently has no Wikipedia page). Other works by him can be found starting here, here, and here.
/// These were “purchased” from Bruce, Earl of Elgin.*
Grecian rights to Greek art, thereby squelchin.’
Many laws the Earl garbles;
so the Greeks lost their marbles.
(On the curator’s breath you can smell gin.)
*Sorry about the mangled rhymes; the last syllable of “Elgin”
should be pronounced as in “begin” and not like “djinn.”
/// Torn from Parthenon— if you would see ‘em,
you must come to the British Museum.
Back in Athens they yearn
for the marbles’ return.
We can only hope Britain will free ‘em.
/// The lady stands, so she might wrangle
a view from a much higher angle.
The Greek heroes and gods
had superbly formed bods,
and she stands to catch sight of his dangle.
/// “There were giants on earth in those days,”
or some similar biblical phrase,
may account for the size
of these fossilized guys
and their naked gymnastic displays.
/// Little doubt they’d be upright today,
and the monarch of all they survey,
standing tall and erect
while we “dwarfs” genuflect
if they hadn’t all had feet of clay.