Thomas Brooks, English
The Last Thing Collette Remembered Before Finding Herself in the Water Was a Hand on Her Shoulder and Somebody Shouting, “Take a Swim, B*tch!,” 1870
Oil on canvas
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More works by him, in addition to this, can be found here.
Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here (if truncated, can be read in full for free on Fridays), and here, perhaps in addition to what's in his Google translated German Wikipedia page (currently has no English page).
Archive of webpage pointed to by last here link.
/// Ginny reached out to pluck a white lily,
though the water was stagnant and chilly.
The adornment was apt
for the thing which was wrapped
in the blanket— their late Uncle Willie.
/// He had talked about changing his will,
and so, this was the right time to kill
the old miserly bore.
Now they’d row far from shore,
dump the corpse, and then move to Brazil.
/// In Brazil there’s a long-held tradition
to turn down all calls for extradition.
So, though Willie’s now chum,
there’s no “uppance” to come.
Not unless you believe in perdition.
/// Just before off to Rio they sailed,
one might say “karmic justice” prevailed.
Willie’s corpse, (by gas bloated),
to the surface had floated,
and his nieces were seized and then jailed.
/// At their trial each murderess learned
that her sisters upon her had turned.
Each the other two blamed,
none contrite nor ashamed.
Notoriety’s all that they earned.
/// There most certainly is something fishy
in this tale of three sisters, (one dishy).
They’d been seen on the Thames,
so a jury condemns
them when Willie pops up, dead and squishy.
/// All twelve jurors, exclusively male,
chose to keep the two plainest in jail.
They could not execute
Ginny, (she was too cute),
so each pitched in and paid for her bail.
/// In two years, Ginny’s rowing again,
with her new husband, rich Juror ten.
He is highly insured,
but has Ginny been cured?
She might yet join her kin in the pen.
/// Female fans of the great Edward Lear
rowed about on the Thames every year.
They had nicknames which fit
with Lear’s poetic wit,
the three paid him a tribute, sincere.
/// Min, “The Owl,” had a mind sharp and keen.
Kit, “The Pussy-cat,” never was mean.
They took along honey,
and plenty of money,
and the beauty, Miss Bote, (who pees green).
/// Snapping turtles are something they ate,
but to get them from river to plate
one must troll for them first.
Her technique is the worst:
NEVER use your own fingers for bait!