V.P. Mokhnachev, Russian
Listen Grandpa, I Didn’t Want To Be the One To Tell You, But I Think You’ve Been Using That Hammer Backwards,” 1818
Oil on canvas
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/// Since his sole tool’s a hammer, he fails
to view problems as other than nails.
It can pound without doubt,
but Gramps pulls most nails out.
He destroys everything he assails.
/// Ivan’s hammer, he learned, symbolizes
urban labor in all of its guises.
While the sickle can stand
for those working the land—
every peasant that Ivan despises.
/// Norse mythology just makes him snore,
and he’s useless in matters of war.
It’s because of his lisp
that his diction’s not crisp,
thus he says “Hammered thumb became Thor.”
/// Grandpa’s far too diminished to know
that he does have a hammer, and so
when the doddering fool
swings his backward-held tool,
the sharp claw splits each wood board in two.
/// I searched Google for this painter’s name,
but I failed in achieving my aim.
As for works he has done,
all I found was this one.
No V.P. Mokhnachev achieved fame.
/// How did Steve Melcher manage to find it?
Maybe there’s a long story behind it.
Was a yard-sale the source?
Or a kinsman? Of course!
Melcher’s Russian great-uncle designed it.
/// Ivan’s grandson’s a know-it-all pest,
unaware that his elders know best.
“All the hammering ceased
on the nails facing East.
Bring my hammer for nails facing West!”
/// In frustration, Dedushka replied
to his grandson, and patiently tried
to explain their sad plight.
“Some nails weren’t made right.
At least half have points on the wrong side!”