Ernst Ludwig Kirchner, German
Baritone Skipping Barbershop Quartet Rehearsal to Work on His Tan, 1909
Oil on cardboard
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MASTERPIECE #1659
Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here (archived if necessary), here, here (archived if necessary), here, here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated German Wikipedia page has more).
The artist’s biography can be found here.
/// Here’s Reclining Blue Nude with Straw Hat,
but the model could not look like that.
Nude, but far from erotic.
In real life, cyanotic
flesh would call for some oxygen, stat.
/// In cold water he swam until noon.
His skin numbed and it started to prune.
He reclined on his gut,
thus displaying his butt,
which was rarely seen— like a blue moon.
/// Baden’s girlfriend was long overdue.
Their nude sunbaths he looked forward to.
She asked, when she arrived,
“Of what were you deprived?”
Then it came to her, out of the blue.
/// On his head, Baden wears a straw hat.
If a child wanders near for a chat,
he can make certain that
he won’t shock the young brat.
He just slides the lid down to his pratt.
/// Baden’s skin color doesn’t look real.
There are few to whom it would appeal.
Could he possibly be
pregnant woman’s M.D.,
acting out a weird gender reveal?
/// Or perhaps the true answer is just
that for years he’d inhaled silver dust.
Then argyria may
turn skin dark bluish-gray.
To Smurfette he’s an object of lust.
/// They arrest nudists here— what to do?
Wear a suit of cerulean blue?
Clothes prevent getting fines,
but he hates those tan lines.
His solution: one giant tattoo.
/// His tattoo’s all-encompassing splendor,
but the needle jabbed parts that are tender.
If he weren’t so vain
he’d have quit from the pain
to the organs that designate gender.