William Cogswell, American
“Ulysses, You’re Not Planning To Wear That Ugly Thing For Your $50 Bill Portrait Session, Are You? Why Don’t You Wear That Cute Peach Sweater I Got You For Your Birthday? Not the Blue One — That Makes You Look Fat. And I Assume You’re Going To Trim Your Nose Hair…,” Date Unknown
Oil on canvas
Giuseppe Agujari, Italian
Man Posing For Goatherds4Goatherds Dating Site, Maaaatch.com, 19th century
Watercolor on paper
Balthasar van den Bossche, Flemish
“Gentlemen, This Is My Artist’s Assistant, Brad. I Let Him Handle the Genitals. Oh, and He Also Does Some Sculpting,” 1709
Oil on canvas
Carl Jutz, German
“Welcome Back To the Henhouse, Dorothy! You Look Great! Did You Have Some Work Done?,” 1882
Oil on canvas
Winslow Homer, American
For 45 Minutes Emma Just Sat There, Refusing To Acknowledge the Elephant in the Room, ca. 1877
Oil on canvas
Florent Willems, Belgian
“Okay Fine, I’ll Rephrase. Polly Most Humbly Requests a Cracker at Madame’s Earliest Convenience. Is That Polite Enough For You?,” Date Unknown
Oil on panel
Anthoni Schoonjans, Southern Netherlandish
It Was the Night Before His “Shark Tank” Appearance, and Leonardo da Vinci Still Couldn’t Decide Whether To Pitch His Flying Machine or His Air Fryer, Date Unknown
Oil on canvas
 Félix Vallotton, French-Swiss
When She Heard the Footsteps Stop Behind Her, Gladys Instantly Knew That These Library Books Weren’t the Only Things Getting Checked Out Today, 1915
Oil on canvas
Thomas Sully, American
“Oh Hey, I Was Wondering Where You Disappeared To. Please Tell Me You Didn’t Just Give My Paperweight To That Douche George Washington,” 1809
Oil on canvas
Thomas Sully, American
“Well Well, It’s About Time You Showed Up. Please Tell Me You Found a Paperweight,” ca. 1820
Oil on canvas
