THAT IS PRICELESS

Kuzma Petrov-Vodkin, Russian

“Okay, Now We’re Tied 1 To 1, and It’s Your Turn to Ask Me a Trivia Question. But This Time If I Get It Wrong, I Have To Take Off My Shirt,” 1935

Oil on canvas

Silvio Fernández Rodríguez-Bastos, Spanish

“No, the Pizza’s Fine, Honey. I’m Just Still Trying To Figure Out How That Domino’s Guy Got It Here in 30 Minutes,” 1890

Oil on canvas

Franz von Stuck, German

Mara Had Hoped She and Her Date Might Find an Emotional Connection, But This Creep Was Nakedly Just Looking For a Little Tail, 1891

Oil on panel

Titian, Italian

In Retrospect, Alfonso Really Wished the Date For His Official Portrait Sitting Had Fallen on a School Day, 1533

Oil on canvas

Charles Napier Kennedy, British

“You Do Realize, Young Lady, There Are Easier Ways To Huff Paint,” 1898

Oil on canvas

Michiel Sweerts, Flemish

“Look at the Schedule, Chief. The Artist Has Me Down For 2 O’Clock and You For 3. So Kindly Move Your A** and Take Your Pillow With You,” ca. 1660-62

Oil on panel

Carl Röchling, German

“Captain, These Three Soldiers Were Born With Feet Where Their Hands Should Be. So I Would Argue They Actually Belong in the Cavalry Division,” 1890

Oil on canvas

Laura Theresa Epps Alma-Tadema, British

Annoyed, Hayley Wished Jeff Had Briefed Himself on the Female Anatomy BEFORE They Got to the Honeymoon Suite, Date Unknown

Oil on panel