Author: Steve Melcher

Friedrich Friedländer, Bohemian-Austrian

“Oh, Shoot. I Remember Paul Saying Something Like ‘One If By Land and Two If By Sea.’ But Was I Supposed to Hang Lanterns or Just Text Him?,” Before 1901

Oil on panel

Julius Exner, Danish

“There’s No Need To Be Frightened, Little Girl. Haven’t You Ever Seen Someone With Two Left Feet Before?,” 1853

Oil on canvas

Charles Bertrand d’Entraygues, French

“I’d Buy You a Rose, But I Don’t Want to Contribute to the Perpetuation of Heteronormative, Patriarchal Traditions in Today’s Society. Plus, I Already Spent My Allowance on a Frog,” Date Unknown

Oil on canvas

Jessica Hayllar, British

“Oh, Come Now, Michael. I’m Sure When Ms. Poppins Called You a ‘Spoiled Little Twerp,’ She Meant It in the Nicest Possible Way,” 1892

Oil on canvas

Alexander Harrison, American

Georgia O’Keeffe Painting Under Her Maiden Name, Georgia O’Naturel, Date Unknown

Oil on canvas

Christian Krohg, Norwegian

“Land Ho! If Anyone Needs To Pee, I Suggest You Go Ashore. Or Be Prepared To Hold It For Another Five Months,” 1893

Oil on canvas

Bernard Boutet de Monvel, French

“Okay, 80 More Miles To Go. Or We Could Rent a Boat When We Get There Like Normal People. Just Putting That Out There,” 1906

Oil on canvas

Erik Werenskiold, Norwegian

Dwight Schrute, Chairman Emeritus of the Paper Sciences Department at Scranton State University (and Former President of the Pulp & Ream Social Club), 1885

Oil on canvas