Author: Steve Melcher

Laura Theresa Epps Alma-Tadema, British

Annoyed, Hayley Wished Jeff Had Briefed Himself on the Female Anatomy BEFORE They Got to the Honeymoon Suite, Date Unknown

Oil on panel

Archibald Archer, British

“Considering We ‘Borrowed’ Them From the Parthenon, Of Course We COULD Just Give Them Back. But I’d Love To See What We Can Get For Them on Craigslist First,” 1819

Oil on canvas

Joseph Dorn, German

“Great Job. Now Could You Give Me One 8×10, a Couple of 5x7s, and 10 Wallet-Size? I’ll Wait,” 1832

Oil on panel

Daniel Gardner, British

“I Had To Improvise a Bit With This Year’s Witches’ Brew, Ladies. Whole Foods Ran Out of Pumpkin Spice Eye of Newt,” 1775

Gouache and chalk on paper

Adriaan de Lelie and Willem van Leen, Dutch

In His Advanced Age Nathaniel’s Eyesight Had Begun To Fail, But Luckily He Hadn’t Lost His Herring, 1815

Oil on canvas

Jacques-Louis David, French

Leonidas Making Mental Note To Take His Sweet Time When Re-Sheathing His Sword, 1814

Oil on canvas

Frans Vervloet, Belgian

“My Apologies For Breaking Wind at the Table, Folks. I’m Just Going To Go Burn My Pants and This Chair and I’ll Be Back For Dessert,” 1816

Oil on panel