George Gillis Haanen, Dutch
After an Hour of Listening Intently To No Avail, Ingrid Was Starting To Wonder If Maybe This Wasn’t an Audiobook After All, 1834
Oil on panel
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/// Here’s Geertruida, an Old Woman Reading
from her Bible, now blocked from proceeding.
The fine print’s tiny size
caused a strain to her eyes
and her grasp of the words is receding.
/// She’s not sure what most passages say,
or what secrets they’re said to convey.
She’d been taught say “OK”
and then blindly obey,
(as with User Agreements today).
/// As a sinner, she combs through the text
for some loopholes, but she is perplexed.
Pardon, for which she searches,
one could get in some churches—
sold at prices so high she is vexed.
/// Since she rarely behaved as she ought,
and (much worse) was from time-to-time caught,
she’d not be heaven-bound
unless cash could be found
and a Get-Out-of-Hades Card bought.
/// She would not earn a halo and wings
without pulling some (not a harp) strings.
For her ledger book bulged
with the sins she indulged
in, some sick self-indulgent type things.
In response to the suggestion that her book is “The Devil’s Bible”:
/// Codex Gigas, her book’s other name,
earned in certain dark circles its fame.
Made in one night, we’re told;
the monk-scribe’s soul was sold.
Satan (portrait inside) is to blame.