John Hamilton Mortimer, British
“With All Due Respect, Sir, When I Asked You How I Could Get Ahead in the Art World, This Isn’t What I Meant,” ca. 1765
Oil on canvas
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/// In this self-portrait, Mortimer chose
to have someone he taught share the pose,
but the boy could not pass
a true life-drawing class.
“Start with still life and first master those.”
/// Plaster casts of great Roman and Greek
statues, those are the models they seek.
To teach students to draw,
John made certain they saw
heads that can’t take breaks, fidget, or speak.
/// Because Mortimer charges a fee
to teach art, it is easy to see
why he won’t recommend
that this kid sketch a friend
who might say, “That does not look like me.”
/// Since the drawing board purposely slants
like a ramp angled down to his pants,
if he drops something… SNAP!
It rolls into his lap.
(Sharpened pencils have caused several rants.)
/// The art student is smart and well-read,
but decided he’d rather drop dead
than to be thus harassed
just to say that he passed.
He won’t give Mister Mortimer head.