Louis Gauffier, French
“Aaaaah! You’re Right! This Helmet Does NOT Go With These Sandals. What Was I Thinking?,” 1791
Oil on canvas
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“Odysseus Recognises Achilles amongst the Daughters of Lycomedes”
The story is that a prophesy predicted Achilles death at Troy, so his mother, Thetis, sent him to an island where he would live among the King’s daughters, pretending to be a girl named Pyrrha. Greeks came searching for Achilles to fight in the war. They brought jewelry and finery, but Odysseus also included weapons, which the young man instinctively selected. Apparently a great soldier… but not too bright.
/// Wise Odysseus has a shrewd plan
to discover which “girl” is a man.
The great soldier, Achilles,
hides in drag among fillies.
His Mom isn’t, of war, a big fan.
/// So, to try to prevent her son’s slaughter,
she disguises him as a King’s daughter.
But Odysseus knew
when a battle horn blew,
he’d grab helmet and sword as he ought-er.
/// There are multiple problems and stresses
being one of a score of Princesses.
Their dad, King Lycomedes,
wed them off to make treaties,
to clean up his political messes.
/// He was willing to walk with a mince
while in drag, but she could not convince
her brave son to ignore
the Greeks’ big Trojan War
to go marry a gross foreign Prince.
/// So, Achilles disguise was detected
due to weapons of war he selected.
Yet he constantly viewed
these young beauties half nude.
Odd that no one before this suspected.
/// Was he healthy and hetero? Yup!
Did he wear, ‘neath his loose gown, a cup?
Nope! Girls then wouldn’t wear
underwear under there.
It’s surprising that nothing came up.
/// Hunk Achilles’ attraction was real.
Hearts of both men and women he’d steal.
He enjoyed having fun,
never faithful to one,
so Achilles, in fact, was a heel.