Halfdan Egedius, Norwegian
“Yes, I Understand That It’s Occasionally Necessary To Disrobe When You Go To the Doctor. But in My Experience, Usually Not at the Optometrist,” 1896
Oil on canvas
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/// Halfdan’s Male Nude is hardly discreet;
displays details, but isn’t complete.
Skillful painterly arts
depict numerous parts,
but the artist can’t paint hands or feet.
/// Could it possibly be that this guy
is no painting at all, but a lie?
Strong suspicion now lingers:
We can’t count toes or fingers
because too many prove he’s A.I.
/// Halfdan knows which bare pose really flatters,
and the way light strikes flesh and then scatters.
Though the model’s quite fit,
it is wise he’s not lit
from the front, because subtlety matters.
/// He is standing here, cool as you please
in a pose that resembles “at ease.”
Standing stiff at attention
caused a quick intervention,
when the art critics labeled it “sleaze.”
/// A nude model cannot be dismayed
when his bodily quirks are displayed.
He’s been teased for the size of his muscular thighs;
called “the man for whom jodhpurs were made.”
/// Some may look at this man’s leg and laugh
when comparing his thigh to his calf.
If the “Dan” in “Halfdan”
is “Dan Aykroyd,” his plan
was to emphasize just the ‘roid half.