Bartholomeus van der Helst, Dutch
“Yo Babe, the Painter Has Asked You Numerous Times To Stop F***ing Around With Those Flowers,” 1654
Oil on canvas
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Info about this artist is pointed to by my comment at another blog entry.
/// Though Bram’s hopes were of having his way,
she won’t even give him time of day.
A ring on her right thumb
holds great meaning for some.
Could Maria be saying she’s gay?
/// He holds onto her wrist, lithe and supple.
It turns out they’re a long married couple.
Won’t look Bram in the eye;
I think she may be bi
and she wouldn’t say “No” to a throuple.
/// (Though girls married despite being gay,
I’ve no proof that Maria’s “that way.”
Her right thumb with a ring
may not mean a darn thing,
but deep secrets her dark eyes convey.)
/// Wife Maria looks female to me.
(A high forehead does not make a “he.”)
She would raise a plucked eyebrow
at the thought she is highbrow,
but her genitals we cannot see.
/// It is rare to see thumbs sporting rings,
yet they symbolize so many things.
Her thumb ornamentation
might show orientation,
but need not say she’s up for a fling.
/// In some countries upon the good earth,
it’s a symbol of how much she’s worth,
or her power of will,
or her ranking, until
it’s revealed it fit that finger’s girth.
/// Much was made of her hairline receding,
but that “defect” is somewhat misleading.
Abraham wasn’t kind,
but most women don’t mind.
(High testosterone, or close inbreeding?)
/// Bram stares desperately at sweet Maria,
vainly searching for any idea
of how to confess
that he’s caused a huge mess.
He just learned that he’s got gonorrhea.