Georg Scholz, German
The Artist Was Hired To Paint a Woman’s Bust. Having Forgotten To Ask Which Kind They Meant, He Decided To Cover His Bases (also known as “Hey, Meine Augen Sind Hier Oben.”), 1927
Oil on canvas
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Info, or perhaps links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here (archived if necessary), here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), and here (clicking NDB currently shows nothing in the Google translation. If that’s still the case, both the Chrome and Firefox browsers can automatically translate.), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated German Wikipedia page may have more).
/// “Female Nude (seated) with Plaster Head”
Some translations will say “Bust” instead.
Each an obvious joke.
Did the painter provoke
the poor model with puns ‘til she fled?
/// It would take someone else to determine
if the plays-on-words work writ in German.
She sits staring ahead.
Were she dressed I’d have said
she’s in church calmly hearing a sermon.
/// Could her bust be augmented with plaster?
Such a ruse only leads to disaster.
“Falsies” need to be soft,
(and not crack if she coughed).
She’d have sued him and claim he harassed her.
/// Or perhaps it’s the head of the girl
that was topped with a thick plaster swirl
which was colored dark brown
and then molded around
forming hair with a giant spit-curl.
/// All she wears is on each leg a stocking,
but her pose is too dull to be shocking.
The white statue placed there
by her thigh seems to stare
at her breasts, as though voyeurs it’s mocking.
/// Her compression hose are the wrong size.
She can’t pull them up over her thighs.
If she did, (at the least),
her bra size gets increased
plus the pressure would bug-out her eyes.
/// Her weight or BMI haven’t changed;
where it’s located was rearranged.
Great compression can push
fat away from her tush,
but from Mix-A-Lot she’s now estranged.
/// Gaze deep into her eyes if your goal
is a window straight into her soul.
But if spirit is weak
and it’s flesh that you seek,
stare much lower and stiffen your pole.