Artist Unknown
The Hot Toy This Holiday Season: Overdressed Fly Fishing Barbie™ (Hip Waders Sold Separately), 1906
Chromolithograph
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/// Now A Critical Moment is here.
He has hooked a fish, then reeled it near.
His girl holds out the net,
but she loathes getting wet.
They’re not likely to land it, I fear.
/// Both their outfits are new and pristine,
and their hip boots are shiny and clean.
These two fashion plates fret
that if waders get wet
they will lose their high-gloss perfect sheen.
/// Take a look at the “fisherman’s” creel.
It’s brand-new, with an unbroken seal.
He’s the kind who would think,
“Fish are slimy and stink.”
Do you think they would gut ‘em? Get real!
/// His thin rod doesn’t look very strong,
and he seems to be holding it wrong.
Just a glimpse at his creel
and her net will reveal
they can’t catch fish too heavy or long.
/// I suspect they’ve been hired to pose
for an ad selling high-end sports clothes.
They must try to catch fish
if, to get paid, they wish,
for they’d lied: “We are fly fishing pros!”
/// They go fly fishing in Scottish Lochs,
and attempt the Brown Trout to outfox,
but won’t wade; they both hate
to walk in the drink, straight.
They stay where they prefer— on the rocks.
/// She is drunk; she’s had more than a few.
When she wants Scotch, a Scotsman won’t do.
At her faults, he’d been winking,
but, because of her drinking,
their brief marriage is on the rocks, too.