Louis-Edouard May, French
“Hi, It’s Leg Day and I’m About To Do Some Power Squats. Would You Mind Spotting Me?,” 1880
Oil on canvas
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/// The dread creature that Frankenstein fashioned
had no livelihood— much too impassioned.
Both the bolts in his neck
were contrived as low-tech,
and attachments, if any, were rationed.
/// But the creature’s helpmate has a trade.
Her design allows her to get paid.
Bolted into her throat
is a yoke. You will note,
she was made an ideal dairy-maid.
/// Though she makes cheese, the girl rarely ate it.
But you won’t hear her saying “I hate it.”
She avoids ice cream, too.
All things dairy— taboo.
It’s the lactose; she can’t tolerate it!
/// The cheap farmer who hired her knew
what the poor girl’s intestines went through
if the tiniest sip
of fresh milk passed her lip.
“If she steals from me, she’ll smell like poo!”
/// There’s a reason she’s seeming so sad.
Just encountered a fine looking lad.
“Drink some milk with me, Miss?
Maybe give me a kiss.”
Turned him down. Now she feels really bad.
/// But because of her no-dairy-curse,
had she drunk with him she would feel worse.
Her belly would ache
and her body would quake
with the effort no gas to disperse.
/// She would meet him again the next day,
but this time she knew just what to say:
“Have some milk, that’s just fine,
but I’d rather have wine.
Sundown, bring some to that stack of hay.”
Other than this and others saying he was known as EDWARMAY (inscription at upper left of image), and providing his lifespan, I couldn’t find online information about this artist. Currently, he has no Wikipedia page in any language.
/// Because of the yoke which she wore,
neck and shoulders are constantly sore.
And the yoke is so wide
she must turn to one side
when she enters or exits a door.
/// Does it injure the dairy maid’s pride
when she exits, to turn to the side?
She’s not risking contusions,
for her fleshy protrusions,
fore and aft, aren’t nearly as wide.
/// Though she didn’t much like being yoked,
the broke yokel who yoked her was stoked.
When obscenely he joked,
the strong maid was provoked.
With her yoke he was choked ‘til he croaked.
/// Lugging two hundred pounds will build muscle,
from the lifting and squatting and hustle.
But, alas, even so,
the girl’s butt didn’t grow.
Her thicc shape was achieved with a bustle.