Kristian Zahrtmann, Danish
Man Holding the Second-Place Trophy He Won in the “Nudest Guy in This Painting” Competition, 1911
Oil on canvas
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here, here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here (Google translated), and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated Danish Wikipedia page has more).
Ignore the 3rd here link (different artist). Archive of the webpage pointed to by the 4th here link.
/// Though they met here for matters scholastic,
the bald teacher’s not enthusiastic.
Alcibiades sat
in class on his bare prat;
that’s why Socrates draped chairs with plastic.
/// Wise old Socrates wasn’t a prude.
He’d seen many Greek men fully nude.
But his student’s display
seemed to blatantly say
“I’m available to be pursued.”
/// “Exhibitionist? Here’s my excuse—
I’m the victim of childhood abuse.”
On the figure Soc clutched,
Al showed where he was touched.
(But he claimed his seducer was Zeus.)
/// Back then, being seen nude brought no shame.
Au contraire, sculptors could bring acclaim.
To be viewed for all time
as you were in your prime,
is a way to immortalize fame.
/// Alcibiades looks like a star,
knows he’s handsomer than most men are.
That he’s magnitudes cuter
didn’t bother his tutor,
but that hair band was going too far.
/// Though the boy may have nothing to wear,
flabby Socrates doesn’t compare
his unfit aging flesh
with skin youthful and fresh.
But it stings when Al flaunts his thick hair!
/// When he spoke, Socrates was sardonic,
“Alcibiades, this is ironic.
As student and teacher
our ‘love’ has this feature:
I’d describe it as purely Platonic.”
/// Alcibiades, just keep your seat.
You’re not offering his favorite meat.
If you’re aiming to please
your old prof, Socrates,
get loukaniko, that’s what he’ll eat.
> or <
/// How low was the temperature? VERY!
Much too cold to be making much merry.
With his nether parts bare
Al was all too aware,
a banana is really a berry.