Adriaan de Lelie, Dutch
“I Used To Make a Decent Profit, But Now I’m Being Undercut By That New Guy Walm Down the Street. You Know His Store — Walm Art?,” Between 1794-95
Oil on panel
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Info about this artist can be found in my comment at a prior blog entry.
/// Said Jan Jansz to de Lelie, “It’s true.
I collect works of art, old and new.
Go ahead, paint my gallery,
but I’ll garnish your salary
if you paint works I own, I will sue.”
/// Jan Jansz’ middle name proves he is skilled.
“Gildemeester” means “Master of Guild.”
Art collectors, if Dutch,
would praise Jan’s golden touch.
(Those who wouldn’t, Jan quietly killed.)
/// All the works of art here on display
are for sale, if you’re able to pay.
For a hefty commission
Jan will give you permission
to “date” any nude model you say.
/// They’re not hot-blooded people, the Dutch;
rarely coming off lusty, as such.
Yet the man who is kneeling
does so to be concealing
that he loves this boy’s portrait too much.
/// The art dealer quite often exhorts
friends to purchase rare works he imports.
Like the ivory-clad matron,
(not a painter— a patron),
who has many young men she supports.
/// Jan sells landscapes galore, he’ll confess.
Scenes with women in states of undress.
But for one art show goer,
Jan has set prices lower.
All those Bonaparte pix cost Steve less.
/// Man in red: “Something here’s out of joint.
The girl artist I’d hoped to anoint
wears a fancy silk frock
with no covering smock.”
(She’s no painter; she does needlepoint.)
/// All the art on these walls share the same
plain and simple gold (painted wood) frame.
Though construction is cheap,
the price mark-up is steep.
Cheating buyers— the art dealer’s game.
/// Jan’s accustomed to wheeling and dealing,
but an offer just set his mind reeling.
Overhead, (this is proof),
has now gone through the roof.
Red coat just made a bid for the ceiling!