Charles Gregory, British
“Excuse Me Folks, But One of My Men Has a Touch of Explosive Diarrhea. Would You Mind Terribly If He Used Your Loo?,” 1884
Watercolor
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Apart from the brief bio at a recent auction page (archived if necessary), I couldn’t any online info about this artist. He currently has no Wikipedia page.
/// The Deserter did not want to fight.
He’d run off and hid out in plain sight.
The redcoats tracked him down
to his small farming town
and gave him and his family a fright.
/// They just found him. He’s holding an axe.
Will he fend off the soldier’s attacks?
No, his pacifist stance
means he won’t take that chance.
Self-defense is an instinct he lacks.
/// “State the penalty for what I’ve done.
Death by hanging or maybe by gun?
Locked away from my wife
for the rest of my life?
I surrender; just don’t draft my son!”
/// The excitement made all their hearts quicken
as the “plot” of their lives would now thicken.
Livestock scurried away,
prompting Junior to say,
“My Dad stayed here, he isn’t a chicken.”
Concerning Explosive Diarrhea:
/// To the loo, if you’re able to skip,
it cannot be that urgent a trip.
It is so much less fun
when at full speed you run
and arrive with no time to unzip.