Rosa Schweninger, Austrian
“It Looks Like This ‘Golden Girls’ Fan Fiction Is Putting You To Sleep, Grandmother. Would You Rather I Switched To Some Johnny Depp Court Transcripts?,” Before 1918
Oil on panel
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Info about this artist can be found here (if truncated, can be read in full for free on Fridays), perhaps in addition to what’s in her Wikipedia page (Google translated German Wikipedia page may have more).
/// Anja dozed when her granddaughter read.
Fast asleep in her chair, not in bed.
Clara’s voice is so boring
it makes Granny start snoring.
Clara then takes the big bed instead.
/// In the morning, Gran can’t understand it.
Could it be that young Clara had planned it?
Anja’s stiff and she’s achin’
and unless she’s mistaken,
“Clara stole my soft bed like a bandit.”
/// Clara normally slept in a cot,
and that’s why she concocted this plot.
Droned to Gran from a book
that was gobbledygook
Anja quickly was out like a shot.
/// Her sleep, while she’s read to, was sound,
In her mind, vivid dreams soon abound.
Gran would grin as she snoozed;
dreamt of being abused,
and was, just like the book, leather-bound.
/// In the Room Granny slept in her chair,
so that she would remain unaware
Clara had a male friend
with whom she’d planned to spend
a full night in the bed, (in the bare).
/// Grandma got her revenge the next night,
when she feigned being out like a light.
As the youngsters made love
she could hear from from above
they’d disturbed bugs she’d planted— which bite.
/// Anja’s problem was not Clara’s man.
“Let the couple make love, if they can.
I don’t care if they’re wed,
but they can’t use MY bed!”
She’s a MOFO, so don’t eff with Gran.
/// Reading Dickens aloud was a risk,
though her speech was precise, clear and brisk.
The truth was, her diction
had Spooner’s affliction.
“A Sale of Two Titties”? Tsk–tsk.