Lawrence Alma-Tadema, Dutch-British
“I Thought We’d Change Things Up Today. Instead of an Epic Poem, I’m Going To Read You the Terms and Conditions of an iPhone Contract,” 1885
Oil on canvas
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page.
Archive of third here link if necessary.
Archive of eleventh here link if necessary.
Perhaps even more about him can be found here.
/// They gathered outdoors for A Reading
from Homer. While it was proceeding,
three musicians leaned back
‘gainst the wall as a claque,
the poetry fixedly heeding.
/// In the foreground a shepherd lies prone.
(Since he never has bathed, he’s alone.)
Floral wreaths and strewn roses
were protecting three noses,
because “goat-skin guy” won’t use cologne.
/// Well before the scrolled epic was done,
an event caused four people to run.
The sea breeze changed direction,
and without that protection
shepherd’s stench made him someone to shun.
/// The rank shepherd, (from stock Mycenaean),
wished to rise above being a peon.
When the other four fled
he went out of his head
and he flung himself in the Aegean.
/// The result he had never foreseen.
He emerged from the Sea somewhat clean.
And although he still dotes
on malodorous goats,
he now has a hygienic routine.
/// As the reader sat, nearly enthroned,
Vesuvius loomed, smoky-coned.
It would take something drastic,
(a flow pyroclastic)
to get these folks even more stoned.
/// Though the Greeks worshipped more than one god, a
small contingent held credos more “mod.” A
knowing eye sees a sign
in the way they recline
that the scroll he reads is a Haggadah.