Nicolino Calyo, Italian
“The Iceman Cometh. Ha Ha. Good One. I’ve Definitely Never Heard That Before,” ca. 1840
Watercolor on paper
Follow That Is Priceless on Social Media and GoComics (the Link button):
Click to Follow This Blog or Share This Masterpiece:
Info, or perhaps links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here (archived, if necessary), here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Spanish Wikipedia page (Google translated, if necessary).
/// A huge industry, back in the day—
for pure harvested ice folks would pay.
Rockland Lake was the source
and, delivered by horse,
New York City kept food fresh that way.
/// Using axes and saws men would chop
blocks of ice from the lake’s frozen top.
Stored in ice houses, (lined
with dry sawdust), designed
to keep frozen year-round, sold non-stop.
/// New York’s Astor House, (top-notch Hotel),
advertised Rockland Ice. “They excel
due to purity found
fed from springs underground.”
Their endorsement helped start a cartel.
/// The Astor House sought ice perfection,
from pure waters devoid of infection.
Icemen— lewd, lusty blokes,
(as portrayed in the jokes),
were intrigued by the “beaver connection.”
/// The grand Astor House held the position
of the land’s best hotel. This tradition
would for twenty years last
until it was surpassed
by more modern upscale competition.
/// In its heyday the Astor had boasted
of famed people and groups it had hosted.
Fame is fickle and fleeting.
They had no central heating,
so by newer hotels they were “toasted.”
/// To deliver ice fast is the trick.
It will melt if not in the box quick.
When the iceman would come,
lonely housewives stayed mum.
There were dozens, and he had his pick.
/// Iceman Charles is athletic— a jock.
To his customers it was a shock
when his punier kid
brought their ice, but he did.
He’s a Chip off the old (and cold) block.
/// Chip the iceman was not very nice.
Told Lavinia he’d lower the price
of the ice blocks he carried
if she’d “act like we’re married.”
So she screamed at him, “You stink on ice!”
/// If her husband’s an impotent sot,
and she’s growing increasingly hot
at high noon in July,
when the iceman comes by,
what he brings, gee… it just “hits the spot.”
/// She holds fit men in highest regard.
(Not her husband, that fat tub of lard.)
When the iceman totes these
heavy ice blocks with ease,
she will ask, “May I suck on a shard?”