Josef Engelhart, Austrian
“I Wouldn’t Sweat It, Children. We Donated $10 Million To Help Build the New Wing of Santa’s Workshop Last Year, Plus Another Five Million in Cobbling Scholarships. One Phone Call and You’re Back on the Nice List,” 1927
Oil on canvas
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Info, or perhaps links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here (Google translated, if necessary), here (Google translated, if necessary), and here (Google translated, if necessary), perhaps in addition to what’s in his German Wikipedia page (Google translated, if necessary).
/// A group portrait of Mom, girl and boy.
You’d expect happy vibes, if not joy.
But they stare into space
with dead eyes in each face.
What could all their good feelings destroy?
/// Mrs. Hirsch and Her Children had posed.
Blank expressions the problem disclosed.
Kids she hugs to her breast
seem severely depressed,
(but like mother, they’re misdiagnosed).
/// Melancholia is what doctor said
filled this family with cold hopeless dread.
He prescribed frequent showers.
Also bed rest for hours,
until bloodletting stains the sheets red.
/// But these “cures” proved of no help at all.
Doctors overlooked one clue, quite small.
Science and nature’s laws
missed a mystical cause:
The Hirsch daughter’s possessed baby doll.
/// The Hirsch family wasn’t aware
that the daughter’s doll fed on despair.
Mourning cast out all joy
from the Mom, girl and boy,
and that’s why Papa Hirsch isn’t there.
/// Engelhart had been paid in advance,
so the widow Hirsch asked him, “Perchance,
since a husband I lack,
give me our money back?”
He refused. Heart was trumped by finance.
// Hours of posing unmoving is boring,
but the painter ignored her imploring.
Soon they’d all come to know
why his work was so slow.
Slumped behind his tall easel he’s snoring.
/// No one ever said posing is fun.
He’d explained this before they’d begun.
“You may not speak or move
unless I first approve,
and you’ll pee when I say we are done!”
/// Though the artist seeks total control,
he cannot rule them body and soul.
When they finally take
that delayed restroom break,
fresh dry underwear may be their goal.