Jan Lievens, Dutch
Darrell Had Always Had the Bad Habit of Entering a Room Without Knocking. But Then Came the Day When He Walked In On His Grandparents in the Shower, Date Unknown
Oil on panel
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Info, or perhaps links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here (archived, if necessary), here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated Dutch Wikipedia page has more).
/// Darrell gazed at Grandma and Granddad,
whom he’d never before seen unclad.
He swears, up to that day
his hair hadn’t been grey.
The sight instantly aged the poor lad.
/// That they’d slip in that shower was risky.
Both were fans of aged premium whiskey.
Each had lathered the other,
and his sainted grandmother,
urged her husband to “start gettin’ frisky.”
/// After menopause, pregnancy’s done.
That’s when no-risk lovemaking’s begun.
(If you don’t count VD,
or perhaps adult-ry.)
Senior showers shared? Just good clean fun.
/// Darrell backed off in shock and disgust.
Never knew centenarians lust.
Grandpa luridly cussed
and, preparing to thrust,
he reached way down to fondle her bust.
/// Ancient flesh, which was wrinkled before,
from the shower got pruney still more.
Darrell fell to the floor.
Through the foggy glass door
he had just seen his Grandfather score.
/// Just the color of their bathroom walls
make him shudder when Darrell recalls
how his grandma would go
down to where gramps hung low
and, with arthritic hands, cup his balls.
/// In his mind he has not aged a day.
How he looked in his youth he could stay
if he never took chances.
Never stealing some glances
at these mirrors of Dorian Gray.
/// His reflection would leave him unnerved,
so from mirrors he usually swerved.
Much like Schröedinger’s cat,
neither this state nor that.
He stays ageless (until he’s observed).
/// Dutch Jan Lievens made this Study of
a Man Looking Up. What is above
the horizon that led
to such dumbfounded dread?
What he sees isn’t something to love.
/// He’s in darkness, but facing bright light.
Is he lit by whatever’s in sight?
Has an army’s advance
made him mess up his pants?
All we know is that something ain’t right.
/// “There’s no Santa? That’s just what I feared
when my wife said that I had been weird
to have gained all this weight.
I thought prospects were great
for old fat guys who have a white beard.”