William Etty, English
Ron Couldn’t Believe It. Growing Up, He’d Always Been Picked Last in Gym Class. And Now Here It Was Happening Again During Jury Selection, Date Unknown
Oil on canvas
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Info, or perhaps links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here (archived, if necessary), here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, here, and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page.
/// Model Chester eats just what he pleases.
He will swill beer and gorge on rich cheeses.
Every well-defined ab
is now covered by flab,
so he lost his job posing as Jesus.
/// He’d been well-paid for each crucifixion,
‘til succumbing to cheddar addiction.
And, while once he was ripped,
now whenever he stripped
there were bulges from loincloth constriction.
/// Holding still for long hours on a cross
made both arms numb and pale from blood loss.
When at last the dull ache
made him ask for a break,
he’d take lunch— chips with thick cheesy sauce.
/// Once Chet posed for a pietà scene
as the newly deceased Nazarene.
He lay on “Mary’s” lap,
but they heard something snap.
The bench broke and she injured her spleen.
/// Though she modelled as Mary, in truth,
she would do anything for vermouth.
Not a virgin (for sure),
she could fake being pure
and act young (although long-in-the-tooth).
/// It seemed clear Chet was no longer going
to pose as Jesus Christ with skin showing.
His best gig hit the skids,
‘til he modeled with kids
in a loose robe, concealing but flowing.