Carl Thomsen, Danish
“Oh, Hello Mother. Do Tell. Was It YOU Who Used the Last of the Toilet Paper Without Replacing the Roll?,” 1875
Oil on canvas
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Info, or perhaps links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here (archived if necessary), here, here, here (Google translated if necessary), here, and here (Google translated if necessary), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated Danish Wikipedia page has more).
/// Ewald offered Arendse a letter.
He was shy; (it’s the day he first met her).
From afar he’d admired
her, and now he desired
to concoct a long-term plan to get her.
/// Yet, the ruse he would choose to employ
to meet Arendse brought him no joy.
He was mortified that
she tossed coins in his hat.
She’d assumed he’s a messenger boy.
/// When Arendse first saw him she’d frowned,
and he felt disappointment profound.
In respect Ewald took
off his hat, but hands shook,
so it slipped and it fell to the ground.
/// He then handed his crush the brief note
which he hoped she would not learn he wrote.
He sought work as a tutor.
(Over time, switch to suitor?)
All his virtues it tried to promote.
/// They are both the same age, but she’s tall.
His two brothers ‘til fifteen were small.
Then a spurt in their growth
gave increased height to both.
Ewald hopes to catch up by next Fall.
/// To his joy, Ewald learned he’d been hired,
but he’d teach, not the girl he desired,
but Arnfrith, her young sis.
He thought, “I’ll work with this.”
No such luck— mismatched cravings transpired.
/// Arnfrith, twelve years old, fell for her teacher.
Ewald fancied the sister, a creature
who had long mesmerized him,
(though she clearly outsized him).
But Arendse loved their (married) preacher.
/// The preacher, whose prayers were unclean,
lusted after Arnfrith, the pre-teen.
And his wife, now neglected,
dreamt that she’d be connected
with young Ewald, who’s no libertine.
/// Thus, since Cupid is not to be trusted,
none paired up in this group maladjusted.
No mere triangle, sex
in a shape this complex
ensured all of them fruitlessly lusted.