Alfred W. Elmore, Irish
“Tell Me If I’m Wrong, But I’m Going To Take This Minute of Awkward Silence As a ‘No,'” 1860
Oil on canvas
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Info, or perhaps links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here, here (archived if necessary), here, here, here, here (can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, here, and here (archived if necessary), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page.
/// The Proposal he’s going to botch.
She looks down, too embarrassed to watch.
When he asked for her hand,
she learned too late he planned
to be pulling it right toward his crotch.
/// By tradition, men kneel on one knee
when they mean to propose, but not he.
Finn wore red tights quite tight,
thrust one thigh out just right,
to display what he wants her to see.
/// Finn believes the mistaken impression
that all women share his male obsession
with “the size.” He indulges
it by padding his bulges,
but to Maeve, it’s a huge indiscretion.
/// Maeve’s a teenager, still quite naive.
Unaware of Finn’s plan to deceive.
Naked babies, of course,
she has seen, but her horse
is the sole adult male she’d perceive.
/// Though her gelding had suffered castration,
what remained was the girl’s education.
When Finn thrusts her hand there,
she can’t help but compare
to her mount, and react with frustration.
/// An adult naked man she’d not known.
She found out when he got her alone
that the statues were wrong.
His was not quite so long,
and, most certainly, not made of stone.
/// He’s exclaimed more than once, “Saints preserve us!”
A sure sign that the suitor is nervous.
By his lady-love’s gown,
on one knee he went down,
all the better to be at her service.
(…cervix?)