Ulisse Caputo, Italian
At the Now-Defunct Disneyland Stalingrad, the Hottest Item in the Gift Shops Was the Mouse Ears Ushanka, Date Unknown
Oil on canvas
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Info, or perhaps links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here (archived if necessary), here (if truncated, can be read in full for free on Fridays), here, and here (archived if necessary, text Google translated), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page.
“What’s all this about charging me when I need to cough? Your waiter told me I owe three dollars for a cough fee. That’s outrageous and… what’s that? … Oh! … That’s very different. Never mind.”
/// A Young Woman looked coy as she sat
in a Coffee House, wearing a hat
of fuzzy black fur.
Those who view it infer
it was something coughed up by a cat.
/// With chin resting on hands interlaced,
her stare’s sultry, direct and unchaste.
What fool man would abandon
a young Susan Sarandon
lookalike in a shop? What a waste!
/// She’s well-dressed, wears expensive cologne.
So why sit, coffee-less, all alone?
The girl’s date, (who adored her),
placed her long complex order.
The barista’s response was a groan.
/// After waiting for him unconcerned,
some time later, her young man returned.
After tasting the drink
she did not stop to think.
He’d forgotten decaf and was spurned.
/// The real reason she made such a scene
was he’d purposely brought her caffeine.
He’d prefer her awake
when “his move” he would make.
Now his plan won’t be heard, nor obscene.
/// Ouch. This fiery red-headed dame,
held her lacquered hair close to a flame.
People near her will choke
on the heavy black smoke
from her head. (Her new hair spray’s to blame.)
/// “Caffeine Jeanne” is a Coffee House junkie
who makes eyes at all men slightly hunky
so they’ll buy her the stuff,
‘cause she can’t get enough.
Even bathes in it— (that’s why she’s funky).
> or <
/// Hair in Java’s a Coffee House sin,
whether fallen from hat, head, or chin.
Still, she must agree that
when she’s wearing her hat,
it prevents dandruff from falling in.
> or <
/// Millie Milner was mad as a hatter.
You could tell from just one good look at her.
Men employed their best patter
to attract, charm, and flatter.
With one kick, all their teeth she would scatter.