Jules Scalbert, French
Had He Been a True Gentleman, Ned Would’ve Warned Jenna That He’d Just Peed in That Spot, Date Unknown
Oil on canvas
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Info, or perhaps links that point to more info, can be found here (archived if necessary) and here (if truncated, it can be read in full for free on Fridays), perhaps in addition to what’s in his Wikipedia page (Google translated French Wikipedia page has more).
Info about this artist that is.
/// Four young Bathers were rowed far from land,
where they swam and took turns getting tanned.
Matelot manned each oar.
Why not bathe at the shore?
Can’t stand fleshy folds filing with sand.
/// They view bodies on beaches with pity,
because sand on moist skin is too gritty.
Invading each cavity,
foiling depravity;
the resulting abrasion’s not pretty.
/// The oarsman soon found himself staring
at the bathing suit one girl was wearing.
Wet cloth clung to her shape
and his open-mouthed gape
showed the whole boat his thoughts were of “pairing.”
/// The girl wearing red isn’t discreet;
she intentionally flashed her seat.
Some would say she’s effete,
acting like she’s “in heat.”
For her hobby she follows the fleet.
/// Matelot’s extra income derives
from seducing and pleasing bored wives.
Odds are good he will bed
that bold swimmer in red.
(He meets most of his lovers in dives.)
/// The fourth bather’s two hands grasp the ladder.
Had she stayed on board all would be sadder.
Plunged with haste in the sea
with a strong need to pee.
Now she sighs as she empties her bladder.
/// Ocean waters are vast, deep and briny.
Any urine she adds would be tiny
Lilliputian amounts.
(Besides, nobody counts
what’s excreted from every whale’s heinie.)