Emil Rau, German
As the Afternoon Wore On, It Became Apparent That of the Five Men, Only Tom’s Gaydar Was In Working Condition, Date Unknown
Oil on canvas
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Info, or links that point to more info, about this artist can be found here (if truncated, can be read in full for free on Fridays), and here, perhaps in addition to what’s in his Google translated German Wikipedia page.
/// The Admirers sit crowded together,
feeling heat in their shorts made of leather.
The young buxom blonde,
of whom they’re so fond,
isn’t knocked over by a big “feather.”
/// They are here to drink schnapps and eat brats
in their soft green Tyrolean hats.
The blonde barmaid’s perverse;
pouring drinks in her purse.
(When she’s drunk she’s been known to get tats.)
/// There’s a second barmaid, the blonde’s friend,
who locked eyes with the gent on the end.
Since she’s not quite as hot,
he thinks, “I’ve got a shot,
just as long as I’ve gold marks to spend.”
/// He’s aware that she isn’t a whore,
so there’s no guarantee that he’ll score.
But with charm and with luck
they may both run amok,
with her dirndl on his bedroom floor.
/// Frieda leans in the doorway with poise.
She avoids those four loud drunken boys.
She hates flirting for tips,
but the older man’s quips
are quick clever remarks she enjoys.
/// When the others have gone he arose,
and he paid her for all that he owes.
She agrees to a walk
for a long private talk,
and she’ll see how the night ahead goes.
/// The young men in their green hats all stare
at the girl with the flaxen hair. There
in her right hand’s a flask.
Filled with what, you may ask.
It’s peroxide, which keeps her locks fair.
/// The girl’s hair has a bright healthy sheen.
It had darkened when she was a teen.
Now a chemical rinse
has restored her blonde tints,
though, at times it turns (like their hats) green.
/// They don “unripe green” caps as a group.
They’re Bavaria’s first Incel Troupe.
Toward this woman they swoop
while they snicker and whoop.
Hope to dupe Betty Boop here to stoop.
/// They will spend every pfennig they earn,
to drink beer and schnapps, yet their eyes burn
as they gawk and they leer
at the blonde’s cleavage here.
(You would think it’s for milk that they yearn.)
/// They’ve seen thousands of young women bare,
but they don’t mention just how or where.
It was not face to face.
Just in porn, (a disgrace),
and not one of those girls really there.
/// They hope this barmaid will be their first,
‘cause she flirts as she’s selling them wurst.
They can’t work up the guts
to get up off their butts,
and no longer, as virgins, be cursed.
/// In their feathered green hats each boy can
proclaim he is a fully-grown man.
But each one is a pup,
who has never grown up,
and their headgear evokes Peter Pan.